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These Scathing Notre Dame Reviews Prove How Spoilt The Last Generation To See It Really Was

Unless you’ve been on a strict wifi detox all week, you’ll know a cultural cornerstone of the world was almost razed to the ground on Monday.If it weren’t for 500 or so firefighters, the heart of Paris—the point from which all distances are measured—could have ended up a scar in the ground.As it was, the fire was put out—but not before consuming two-thirds of the iconic cathedral’s roofing, destroying a spire, damaging the high altar and calling the structural integrity of the entire edifice into question.But as the public grieves the loss of a monument which has inspired wonder and awe for centuries (and as historians, architects and millionaires debate whether US$960 million can possibly restore Notre Dame’s intangible glory), a glance at Tripadvisor’s Notre Dame reviews proves how spoiled some travellers really are.Full disclosure: there have been over 68,997 TripAdvisor reviews of the Notre Dame, the majority of them (69%, to be precise) leaving “excellent” ratings. However, a minority of self-proclaimed critics (2%, if we’re being picky) gave this majestic pillar of human achievement a “poor” or “terrible” rating.If this was just a couple of contrarians taking cheap shots at a popular piece of architecture, we could let it go. However, there’s more to it than that. These ‘reviewers’ didn’t just smear one of the gothic eras most sublime creations; they proved modern-day travellers are more well ‘grammed than well read.

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Think about it: although the fierce atheists and religious fundamentalists of bygone eras were crusty dogmatists with irreconcilable differences, at least they knew how to appreciate good architecture. For this new generation of Tripadvisor critics though, it’s rare that a historical artefact can live up to the expertly curated Instagram photos they’ve already seen (from the comfort of their Dorito-stained sofas).How do I know this? Despite not penning them on the internet, most of these lazy Tripadvisor Observations have crossed my mind around two-minutes into any bout of sight-seeing I’ve ever taken. Which suggests the number of Oblivious Faultfinders in the world may be much higher than the TripAdvisor statistics indicate.To give you an idea, here’s a smattering.

“Much like everything else in Paris. It’s just a church, take a photo and move on.”

Ouch. But I suppose when you’ve got croissants to eat, L’Ami Louis (the ‘worst’ restaurant in the world) to visit and the Moulin Rouge to see, time goes fast. Oh, and—speaking of time—our next displeased reviewer had this to say…

“People lining up to get inside when there is no entry ticket required; many just stand there neither want to go in nor want to move away from the entrance, taking selfies and pictures making it difficult for others who want to go in.”

Not content with that little rant, he added: “Once inside, it is very dark and gloomy. It might be very old but gives one shivers and (a) spooky feeling. We just went in and hurried out. There is a small (overly priced) souvenir shop inside also crowded like crazy.”

“Not worth going in even for free,” (Anon, March 2019).

Our next sarky remark came from a man who expected it to be easy to evacuate his bowels in the middle of a 12th-century masterpiece, during tourist high season: “2 euros for toilets (not mentioning that if you don’t have change, forget it). 100 m away, in the nearest café, for 1.30 euro, you can have a coffee and clean toilets.”The next few, spanning from October 2018 until the present day, didn’t mince words.“Nothing special.”“Disappointing.”“Too crowded”.The worst part of it all? Just like many other fickle ‘travellers’, I was sorely tempted to post a ‘throwback’ photo to my time in France, despite spending the majority of my sightseeing tour in a hungover fugue-state.Nonetheless, before we get caught up in rampant negativity, there were a few choice insights to be found, which—in hindsight—suggest the magic of the Notre Dame may have already been on its way out before the fire even began.“Such a bummer—when I was a student in Paris I loved to visit Notre Dame. As with all the cathedrals in Paris, (it) would provide a sense of solitude in the midst of great beauty. These days Paris is just way too crowded and the main… attractions can’t even be enjoyed due to the crowds and behaviour of the people (noisy, constant selfies etc).”

“The line does move quickly, but does not end until you have left the church.”

Also, prophetically:“The magnificence of this holy site is now lost under an avalanche of entitled, pushy, rude disrespectful tourists ticking off sites on their all inclusive pass. I am sorry I made the effort, it’s a site that could easily be closed to the public.”Whether you agree with them or think they’re a bunch of whiners—if you haven’t already been—you might have to wait from anywhere between three and forty years to decide for yourself, as that’s how long it’s going to take to rebuild.

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‘Two In One’ Shorts Are Really A Thing

You know how road bike shorts come with an internal ‘shammy’? Well, the ‘in-trend’ Nike gym shorts I bought have an internal, light-fabric short that sits on your skin, and a more ‘normal’ short that hangs a bit looser, over the top (see pic above).

They Are Great For ‘In-Between’ Weather

When it’s cold enough to make you question leaving the house, but not cold enough to warrant a pair of compression clothing like Skins, Nike’s ‘two in one’ running shorts fill the void.

They Are A Bit Over The Top For A Light Workout

Their versatility in Spring and Autumn notwithstanding, donning a pair of fancy ‘two in one’ pants for a brief upper body workout does seem like overkill.

You May Develop A Case Of ‘Claustrophobic Crotch’

If your gym’s fan or air-con stops working, or you manage a particularly intense sweat-sesh, these shorts kind of make you want to sit in a bath full of ice.

They Make You Run Faster

Whether you’re injured, tired or going uphill, waddling along at a lowly pace somehow feels unacceptable in these bad boys. While it’s all well and good to put on a burst of speed to impress your commuter crush, the pressure to perform in these ‘two in one’ shorts is almost as bad as being on a much-awaited first date.

They Won’t Promote Blood Circulation As Well As Skins

The Starks have been saying it for yonks and I’ll say it again: winter is coming. And when the icy weather hits we’d recommend skins under normal shorts for running, and this ‘two in one’ offering for the gym (where the temperature should be kept at a reasonable level for you).

The $120 Version Has Better Storage Options Than The $55 Version

There is also a $55 dollar version of these luxe shorts, whose performance (in terms of mobility, comfort and heat) was more or less, from my point of view, identical. However, I found the storage options of the $120 version far more convenient for storing my gym pass, keys and extensive selection of artisanal coffee and baked goods loyalty cards.

They Aren’t As Un-Economical As You Think

Although I would need to continue this experiment for a few more years to hold a definitive answer to this question, the suspicious lack of loose threads (or looseness in general) of both pairs of ‘two in one’ shorts I acquired, even after accidentally putting them both in the tumble dryer, means I hope to make (some of) my money back in the long run.

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