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Be well-groomed

While women worldwide still adore beards, when it comes to short-term partners, Clue research found they much prefer “short haircuts and hairless chests.”

“This is especially true in Japan and Russia, where women also prefer clean-shaven men,” Clue told D’Marge.

Be tall

Just a heads up: height is make-or-break in the dating world. While this is hardly news, you might be surprised at how readily women admitted this, with 89.5% of women telling Clue researchers they would prefer a short-term partner to be taller than them, and only 11.9% calling it “unimportant.”

Be small (or at least, not too big)

We’re not talking microscopic but according to the study an average-sized penis is preferred by women to a large “piece,” when looking for a short-term partner. Likewise, almost a third of women (29.1%) thought that average body-types were desirable in short-term partners. In other words: the dad bod is back…

Don’t be a smart arse

Though people like to brag about their cerebral matter on Tinder, it turns out actions speak louder than words with just 33.1% of British women and 46.7% of American women calling intelligence “an important factor” when picking a short-term partner.

“Flies subjected to daily cycles of 12 hours in light and 12 hours in darkness had shorter lives compared to flies kept in total darkness or those kept in light with the blue wavelengths filtered out,” Science Daily reported. “The flies exposed to blue light showed damage to their retinal cells and brain neurons and had impaired locomotion – the flies’ ability to climb the walls of their enclosures, a common behavior, was diminished.”

Worse: some of the flies in the experiment were mutants with no eyes, and even they displayed brain damage and locomotion impairments, suggesting flies didn’t have to see the light to be damaged by it.

“The fact that the light was accelerating aging in the flies was very surprising to us at first,” said Giebultowicz, a professor of integrative biology. “We’d measured expression of some genes in old flies, and found that stress-response, protective genes were expressed if flies were kept in light. We hypothesized that light was regulating those genes. Then we started asking, what is it in the light that is harmful to them, and we looked at the spectrum of light.”

“It was very clear cut that although light without blue slightly shortened their lifespan, just blue light alone shortened their lifespan very dramatically.”

This leads us to familiar ground, with Giebultowicz noting that natural light is crucial for the body’s circadian rhythm, and that – even if we are not as harmed by blue light as fruit flies, we should keep a handle on it (or shut that laptop lid): “There is evidence suggesting that increased exposure to artificial light is a risk factor for sleep and circadian disorders.”

“With the prevalent use of LED lighting and device displays, humans are subjected to increasing amounts of light in the blue spectrum since commonly used LEDs emit a high fraction of blue light. But this technology, LED lighting, even in most developed countries, has not been used long enough to know its effects across the human lifespan.”

Giebultowicz also hinted that flies might be smarter than humans in this sense as, when given the choice, they avoided the blue light. On that note: Eileen Chow, co-author of the study, says that advances in technology and medicine could work together to address the damaging effects of light if this research eventually proves applicable to people.

“Human lifespan has increased dramatically over the past century as we’ve found ways to treat diseases, and at the same time we have been spending more and more time with artificial light. As science looks for ways to help people be healthier as they live longer, designing a healthier spectrum of light might be a possibility, not just in terms of sleeping better but in terms of overall health.”

In the meantime, beyond relocating to a cave, there are a few other measures you can take, the study noted. These include wearing eyeglasses with amber lenses (to filter out the blue light and protect your retinas) and changing the settings on your phones, laptops and other devices to block blue emissions (normally found under, ‘Nightmode’).

“In the future, there may be phones that auto-adjust their display based on the length of usage the phone perceives,” said lead author Trevor Nash. “That kind of phone might be difficult to make, but it would probably have a big impact on health.”

So: how do you indulge while maintaining a physique that puts the gods (both Nordic and Canine) to shame? The answer is not in smashing fried chicken every day. But you already knew that. What might surprise you, however, is that the answer is to eat – no, enjoy – fast food every now and then.

Enter: guiltless indulgence, an art centuries in the pan (particularly in Spain), now gracing American and Australian shores. This dietary technique is finally making a resurgence, and today we have The Fitness Chef (also known as Graeme Tomlinson), an evidence-based nutrition coach to explain it. Welcome to the subtle art of eating all the chips.

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A post shared by Graeme Tomlinson (@thefitnesschef_) on Oct 11, 2019 at 9:05am PDT

“Clean eating trends… distort many relationships with food in 2019,” Graeme begins. “No food cleanses you as you consume it. And no food rubs dirt on your face as you enjoy it.” However, over the years, many celebrities and “health-themed recipe books” have convinced consumers they will be “lean and healthy” if only they follow their diets with religious zeal, Graeme says.

“Such recipes may be… inspiring… palatable… [even] nutritious, but such content is still bereft of important explanations around basic nutritional foundations. For example: calorie/macronutrient relevance, [which are] both… barometers that can improve one’s understanding of their diet.”

According to Graeme, rather than aiming for micro-nutrient perfection we should “evaluate the food we eat objectively.” To illustrate he compares a raw cacao slice (a ‘healthy substitute’ for a chocolate bar, promoted by a celebrity influencer), and three mainstream chocolate bars.

“Whilst there may be more micronutrients, fibre and whole food ingredients in the single raw slice, the calories are virtually equal to that of 3 chocolate bars. Yet one is unconditionally idolised whilst the others demonised, purely because in the one eating episode they do not offer the same micronutrients.”

“Consuming quality food is definitely important. It does correlate with fat loss, but it does not define it. Quantities of calories consumed does, regardless of food type,” Graeme adds, before posting the following Betoota Advocate worthy story to bring his point home in side-splitting style.

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Peter is shopping for an engagement ring for Monica with his dreaded elder sister, Chantelle. A self professed wellness coach and oracle of current events. It’s time for refreshments.⁣ ⁣ Peter realises he hasn’t been to McDonald’s for 8 months. As he gravitates towards the golden arches, his sister confronts him with a set of poached eyes, boiling with contempt. “Eeehhhh what do you think you’re doing f*ckface?”⁣ ⁣ “WHAT did I tell you! THAT is full of sh*t!IT’S all chemicals. ALWAYS eat whole foods. DID you not watch supersize me?”⁣ ⁣ They arrive back at the car with Chantelle pointing to her 100g fruit/nut mix and smoothie she picked up from Tesco. She proclaims, “this is fat loss food packed full of goodness and protein. It’s not like that stuff you’re about to KILL yourself with!”⁣ ⁣ Peter’s first McNugget and sip of coke are enjoyably negotiated. Chantelle glares and utters, “you’ll get fat again and Monica will leave you”. Peter replies, “But I’m in control of my diet. I manage micronutrients for overall health, calories for composition and protein for satiety.”⁣ ⁣ He continues, “I enjoy McNuggets and Coca-Cola sometimes and today they fit my nutrition goals. So with all due respect, your claims are wild. In isolation, 598 calories and 24g of protein is more suitable for my goals than the 804 protein sparse calories you’re proposing. As you’re a coach, I would have hoped you’d know this.”⁣ ⁣ Mouth wide open in shock, an almond makes its way from Chantelle’s enraged lip towards her crest fallen lap of ‘health’. “How dare you question me! Do you have qualifications? Didn’t think so you f*cking rotten monkfish and cat piss salad.” ⁣ ⁣ In the unusual Autumn heat, Peter comes up with the perfect antidote to hostilities. He removes his jumper to reveal a t-shirt which reads “Mcnuggets 4 lyf” and turns to his sister, impersonating the night king raising the dead. What remains of their engagement ring search remains to be seen. ⁣ -⁣ -⁣ #caloriedeficit #superfood #calories #fatloss #nutritioncoach #fatloss #diettips #dieting #mcnuggets #snack #protein #weightloss #flexibledieting #nutrients #fatlosstips #smoothie

A post shared by Graeme Tomlinson (@thefitnesschef_) on Oct 26, 2019 at 4:34am PDT

He then posted further graphics to help his followers understand which fast foods are better than others – which should come in handy with the Christmas holidays just around the corner. First up was Macdonalds…

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A post shared by Graeme Tomlinson (@thefitnesschef_) on Sep 7, 2019 at 4:33am PDT

… which was closely followed by Nandos.

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A post shared by Graeme Tomlinson (@thefitnesschef_) on Oct 18, 2019 at 9:47am PDT

While some question Graeme’s style, it’s hard to deny he is effective, with feedback from his fans suggesting there is real value to his insights: “When I used to judge food as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ I would think I have ‘fallen off the wagon’ if I had a ‘bad’ food even if it was just a couple hundred calories,” one woman wrote in the comments below one of Graeme’s posts.

“I would then tell myself that I’ve blown it so I may as well eat whatever and start over again tomorrow or Monday if it was a Friday. After learning about flexible dieting and the caloric value of different foods I realise that I likely hadn’t blown it and if I had eaten the ‘bad food’ without judgment I likely would have enjoyed it without guilt and moved on.”

Your next burger awaits.